Over and Again

Over And Again

-Ishana Ghosh

Sick of crying, and

tired of wiping my cheeks

time and again,

to rub those stains 

that are left by pain.

Your words don't make me cry

anymore; like an injured pup

'cause time stands witness

to that pup growing into a fierce dog,

whom if you hurt,

it will come back at you,

barking and growling,

out of the dirt.

And I know very well,

that you'll never understand

and that you'll never ever

see through my point of view.

And that your words,

even if they're framed casually,

will be like hard blows,

meant to cripple me down

'cause you'll never get

what it is like,

for me to hear them through.

And slowly, very slowly,

I'm beginning to realise

that my soft heart's no more soft;

your blows have hardened it alright

and so, when the cycle repeats

and you hurt me again,

my inside burns with rage

and I don't tear up that easily

as by then, I'm used to feeling pain.

And to be honest,

I no more deserve

to say that you hurt me

because last time you did that,

I forgave you.

I forgave you,

inspite of knowing it well

that you didn't really ask for forgiveness;

in fact, you weren't made

to realise, why to?

I remember so well

how I had cried all evening

that day, and I had 

made up my mind

never to talk to you hence,

and that night, I was so determined.

But I soon let go of the ego

and I talked to you

like nothing ever happened,

all the while knowing

that you'll never really get rid

of the habit of saying things

without thinking them through.

And I know in my heart,

that as many times you do that,

I will have to forgive you

'cause don't you see?

Don't you get it really

how much it means to me

to have you in my life...

You're the world I revolve around,

you're so special that

without you, I'm not sound.

And your care and support,

they mean the world to me.

I love you, more than 

you could ever love me.

Don't you really see?

And just because of that,

the hurt is so much more

'cause the same words,

when said by a close one,

who is actually supposed to understand,

hits quite differently

than when they are said

by someone who's not connected

to the expectations of the heart.

And that is why,

even if you hurt me again

with your sharp tongue,

even if I become broken

and can't stand up,

I'll always come back to you

and pretend it never happened.

_______